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Posts: 5331
Mar 28 09 8:35 AM
Posts: 209
Mar 28 09 9:11 AM
charliedog wrote: So I took time to think, then more time, then more time. I looked up Borderline Personality Disorder and found that those who suffer from that, really do fit the bill as people in the Pente/charismatic movement. Especially when it comes to claiming the right to invade other people's personal boundaries. And what an invasion is the "I can see you have a Demon, but don't worry - we can sort that out..." idea. What a terrible invasion and yeah - I'm wondering if my time in the charismatics/pente did give me Borderline Personality Disorder - because none of that intrusive, invasive, nasty attitude was ME. So who was it? What was done to me to make me be like that. Rob's postings have been very helpful, many thanks Rob
Mar 28 09 9:35 AM
blackdog wrote: Sure...actually, some other things going on in my life and some of the people I've gotten to talking to more lately do seem to be helping me deal with the leftover "issues" I guess you could say. The simple fact is, all the crap that my ex and the Pentes put me through has made things that were easy before difficult or impossible now. For example, I've dated a lot and been involved with a lot of different women since my ex...but I haven't fallen in love...and it's not like I haven't tried or haven't been in some long term relationships. It is like there's some part of my brain that just doesn't want to go there again...or something. I no longer love my ex, but it seems like I don't want to fall in love with anybody else either. On a smaller scale...though this does seem to be changing...I used to listen to music a lot before. My ex was pretty much obsessed with music and there was always a radio on or CMT or MTV on our TV set. For a LONG time, music made me think of my ex and a bunch of other stuff I'd rather not.So since then while I've gradually built up an impressive collection of music on my computer, it doesn't see much use. I've been dealing with some lingering issues lately though, and I actually had the radio on in my truck yesterday...it's a small thing, but it was significant to me. It just seems...wrong...to me that I've spent years untangling the emotional and mental mess that my experience with Pentes left me in, while so many of them (Including my ex) go on as if nothing ever happened and things have always been like this. I wasn't always a somewhat reclusive loner, I used to be a lot more sociable. Seems like since my ex, it takes me a long time to warm up to most people. Unless I'm dealing with people I know really well or have some reason to trust...it takes a lot of effort to even have much of a conversation. This came about more gradually, and only really set in a couple years ago after the last time my ex and I had any sort of relationship but it's a lot harder for me to be social then it used to. I just don't like dealing with people very much. I suspect, as the issues stemming from my experience with the Pentes get dealt with (A process that seems to be accelerating) I'll make some progress in dealing with my assorted problems.
Posts: 1031
Mar 28 09 12:23 PM
Mar 29 09 12:27 AM
Mar 29 09 5:21 AM
Rob - as I have found before - your words are ever wise. In a previous time I would have said, "inspired by the holy spirit" but hey - lets not go there. My ex is alot older than me. He's 46. He was brought up in an upper class english home of that era and so it was God and the bible one minute and beatings the next - then he was sent to a boarding school age seven, with pretty much the same deal. It made him mentally ill. There was NO LOVE at all in that set up. The English upper classes specialize in cruelty, and yes, he said the monks who beat him certainly did get sexual pleasure out of it. You get the picture? So he hurtles through life, in and out of relationships, until I come along. I appear to be a christian who isn't insane, and who is into sex in a big way. Great. Except that a couple of things happen and I throw myself into the charismatic thing, and hurt him alot. Just when he thought he'd reached a point of safety with another person, she hurts him, again and again. He won't have anything to do with me. Won't answer phone calls and texts. It would be the wrong thing to physically go to see him, because partly, the charismatic thing makes you an intrusive pushy sort of a person. It did with me. And so going to see him, would just be more of the pushy intrusive stuff that he objected to. I would love to believe that LOVE will save our relationship, but I know him too well. He needs to protect his mental stability. He needs to stay away from being damage by so called Christians who are meant to love him. Its a pattern throughout his life. I understand that he will stay unreachable and again this is part of being part of the English upper classes. They are not like American men who seem more open, expressive etc. They are closed, concrete, correct and they stay that way once you've failed them. Empire builders etc etc. And there is no point blaming him, or his childhood, (although I do in a way) because I did this.
When I read what Blackdog writes, I wonder if my ex feels the same way. This is awful - this lie that pretends to be christianity. This destroyer, unholy deceiver. Dammit Rob y'know?
Mar 29 09 6:21 AM
charliedog wrote: When I read what Blackdog writes, I wonder if my ex feels the same way. This is awful - this lie that pretends to be christianity. This destroyer, unholy deceiver.
Posts: 1627
Mar 29 09 6:26 AM
exPc Fan
Tandc90, if my time in charismania taught me anything, its the ability to be cravenly obsequious, so here it is...
oh thanks for liking me.... I might add that you may want to be delivered from a spirit of liking me...give it a go... I will stand over you in a threatening manner and sing "Shine Jesus Shine"...at you. No problem
Mar 29 09 9:56 AM
Thanks Tandc90 - its good of you to say that you know where I'm coming from on the "oh - how could I have hurt that person" front. My ex didn't believe in the idea of forgiving. He said it was a Christian con - made up so that the person doing the forgiving felt better. He was right about alot of things - so maybe that too. The question is, I guess Tandc90, how does one forgive oneself ? By just not going there again I would imagine. I don't know.
Hey there Blackdog - thanks for your post. I haven't been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but when I looked it up, (having been looking at the subject of boundaries) I thought WOAH....because there in black and white on my screen...was your classic Pentecostal. Even down to the fact that a person idealizes their lover one minute and then swiftly turns around and totally devalues them. (Ring any bells with you and the way your ex reacted to you? ) Particulary, the way that "early disclosure" in conversation was the norm in Pente circles when actually it is a form of mental illness called "collapsed boundaries." And the way that Borderline Personality Disorder people like others to define them.
Well, what is that exactly? Blackdog is your ex just sitting there, taking in all the crXp and letting other define her? Tell her who she is? That is encouraged in Pente circles and that is the state of mind for a person with BPD....
And I read on these boards about how the Pente world is geared towards the worship of the leadership team - which made me look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Those with that one, don't know who they are, unless they see it reflected in the eyes of others. That they have "grandiose delusions" That they have a complete lack of empathy. Very arrogant.
The emphasis from leaders on women being submissive, now looks like pure Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Mar 29 09 10:57 AM
charliedog wrote: Hey there Blackdog - thanks for your post. I haven't been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but when I looked it up, (having been looking at the subject of boundaries) I thought WOAH....because there in black and white on my screen...was your classic Pentecostal. Even down to the fact that a person idealizes their lover one minute and then swiftly turns around and totally devalues them. (Ring any bells with you and the way your ex reacted to you? ) Particulary, the way that "early disclosure" in conversation was the norm in Pente circles when actually it is a form of mental illness called "collapsed boundaries." And the way that Borderline Personality Disorder people like others to define them.
Posts: 304
Mar 29 09 2:53 PM
Mar 30 09 2:22 PM
Mar 30 09 3:21 PM
Mar 30 09 3:36 PM
Mar 30 09 4:21 PM
Mar 30 09 5:34 PM
He was right about alot of things - so maybe that too. The question is, I guess Tandc90, how does one forgive oneself ? By just not going there again I would imagine. I don't know.
Mar 31 09 8:34 AM
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