Here's another of my spoof collections. I never know whether people think stuff like this is as funny as I think it is.
But I'll share anyway. Just some stuff I've collected over the past few years:
__________________________
You might be an ex-Pentecostal if . . .
- if you have ever given 30 skirts to Goodwill
- if you carried around vials of olive oil for 16 years and didn't even know that olive oil was edible
- if you bought the same CD three times because you kept destroying it while under conviction
- if you know exactly where you were on September 13, 1988
- if you ever threw out jewelry or clothes because they might be infested by demons . . . but now wish you hadn't
- if you hear, "I am a . . ." and you reflexively think, " . . . ONE GOD, APOSTALIC, TONGUE TALKING, HOLY ROLLING, BORN AGAIN, HEAVEN-BOUND BELIEVER IN THE LIBERATING POWER OF JESUS NAME", but then you bang your head against the wall because you HATE that song and now it's gonna be in your head ALL DAY
- if you finally moved your contraband TV out of your closet
- if you have ever refused to stand up and shout to the North, South, East, and West, even though everyone was (at one point in the shout), turned in your direction
- if you know what "prayer-walking" means, but wish you didn't
- if you have ever spent a lot of money taking a class to learn to prophesy, but now you wish you'd taken an Alaskan cruise instead
- if you wonder how you could ever have had a serious discussion about the moral implications of culottes
- if you have ever sent cards to former friends to apologize for your overzealous evangelism
- if your will prohibits anyone from trying to raise you from the dead
- if you have ever dared your former pastor to strike you with leprosy
- if you are still on the membership rolls of at least five Pentecostal churches, but you haven't attended any of them for fifteen years
- if you have ever turned on sprinklers to break up the unwelcome prayer meeting on your lawn
__________________________
You might be an ex-Pentecostal if . . .
- if you have ever given 30 skirts to Goodwill
- if you carried around vials of olive oil for 16 years and didn't even know that olive oil was edible
- if you bought the same CD three times because you kept destroying it while under conviction
- if you know exactly where you were on September 13, 1988
- if you ever threw out jewelry or clothes because they might be infested by demons . . . but now wish you hadn't
- if you hear, "I am a . . ." and you reflexively think, " . . . ONE GOD, APOSTALIC, TONGUE TALKING, HOLY ROLLING, BORN AGAIN, HEAVEN-BOUND BELIEVER IN THE LIBERATING POWER OF JESUS NAME", but then you bang your head against the wall because you HATE that song and now it's gonna be in your head ALL DAY
- if you finally moved your contraband TV out of your closet
- if you have ever refused to stand up and shout to the North, South, East, and West, even though everyone was (at one point in the shout), turned in your direction
- if you know what "prayer-walking" means, but wish you didn't
- if you have ever spent a lot of money taking a class to learn to prophesy, but now you wish you'd taken an Alaskan cruise instead
- if you wonder how you could ever have had a serious discussion about the moral implications of culottes
- if you have ever sent cards to former friends to apologize for your overzealous evangelism
- if your will prohibits anyone from trying to raise you from the dead
- if you have ever dared your former pastor to strike you with leprosy
- if you are still on the membership rolls of at least five Pentecostal churches, but you haven't attended any of them for fifteen years
- if you have ever turned on sprinklers to break up the unwelcome prayer meeting on your lawn
