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May 21 12 11:06 PM
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Musical Mantric
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May 22 12 4:16 AM
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May 22 12 5:08 AM
Elizabeth Niederer wrote: Yay you! I would have no trouble being around many people from my former church, but there are some that would set me off a lot. What continues to bother me a lot, though, is what you said in your title. It is indeed as if we never existed. All those people who "loved" us so much, who were our "family," and I have never heard a word from any of them. I've run into a few in various stores and places and it was pleasant/cordial, but NOBODY reached out to me. Oh wait, I take that back. There were two older ladies from my home group who left me voice mails when we first left. One each. That's it. 19 years there and that's it.
Integrity above allService before selfExcellence in all we do~United States Air Force core values.Blackdog, Administrative Schnauzer
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May 22 12 6:27 AM
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May 22 12 8:36 AM
There are some who call me .... Timmay!
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May 22 12 2:27 PM
oppressednomore wrote:This weekend we ended up eating in the same place as our old "church family". I was with my own family and they were with their church cronies. I must say, my spouse and I felt uncomfortable and awkward...it's like a former friend who you know that knows alot about you yet doesn't interact with you anymore. I had to fight feelings of shame, my clothes were against the old "standards"..as well as the wine I was openly drinking. It's sad that one experiences those feelings (especially as an adult) but it does tend to linger on. I saw the episode as a bit of growth on my part because I was not pretending to be someone who never imbibes or would never wear pants. I was being ME, which is more than I can say that they would do. I am not a hypocrite, I don't claim to be something other than I am...and yet I feel more compassion towards my fellow human being than they would. They are too busy judging such as I to think of compassion.I've concluded that it was another step towards my healing and freedom of thought to run into these people. It takes a very long time for some of us to get to this point, but thankfully for me it's another step in the right direction. The tugging at one's heart to please God according to observances of standards can take so long to overcome...but I think I am getting there. Every time I overcome those feelings I feel more freedom and less confusion towards God. Especially when I see those "observing" their standards withholding common courtesy and concern that their "ministry" supposedly commands them to do.
May 22 12 2:35 PM
nitebreez wrote:oppressednomore wrote:This weekend we ended up eating in the same place as our old "church family". I was with my own family and they were with their church cronies. I must say, my spouse and I felt uncomfortable and awkward...it's like a former friend who you know that knows alot about you yet doesn't interact with you anymore. I had to fight feelings of shame, my clothes were against the old "standards"..as well as the wine I was openly drinking. It's sad that one experiences those feelings (especially as an adult) but it does tend to linger on. I saw the episode as a bit of growth on my part because I was not pretending to be someone who never imbibes or would never wear pants. I was being ME, which is more than I can say that they would do. I am not a hypocrite, I don't claim to be something other than I am...and yet I feel more compassion towards my fellow human being than they would. They are too busy judging such as I to think of compassion.I've concluded that it was another step towards my healing and freedom of thought to run into these people. It takes a very long time for some of us to get to this point, but thankfully for me it's another step in the right direction. The tugging at one's heart to please God according to observances of standards can take so long to overcome...but I think I am getting there. Every time I overcome those feelings I feel more freedom and less confusion towards God. Especially when I see those "observing" their standards withholding common courtesy and concern that their "ministry" supposedly commands them to do.OK,...let's see. You weren't wearing the "pente uniform". That means casual pants? You were having a little dinner wine? More open and intelligent as to what you wanted from life? Gee,.....that sounds like a great person!!!!
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May 22 12 3:03 PM
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May 22 12 6:04 PM
blackdog wrote: What is the average Pente church? Is it a community or just a "Crack house for Jesus" where a bunch of people all go to get high on God every Sunday?? This lack of caring for others...it seems pretty common based on what I've experienced and heard concerning Pentes.
May 23 12 5:36 AM
Elizabeth Niederer wrote: blackdog wrote: What is the average Pente church? Is it a community or just a "Crack house for Jesus" where a bunch of people all go to get high on God every Sunday?? This lack of caring for others...it seems pretty common based on what I've experienced and heard concerning Pentes.I have a few good stories about Pente people and a hell of a lot of stories of people who couldn't figure out how to give a rip to save their lives. Mr. EN found himself essentially homeless in his final duty station before his retirement from the Army, because the senior NCOs got booted out of billets to make room for younger folks. He was there "unofficially unaccompanied" anyhow, drawing his housing and related allotments as if I were there with him. I was not well enough to travel, so I stayed in NJ. The pastor of his local (A/G) church got word of his predicament. He had Mr. EN stand up in church Wednesday night and said, "This guy is about to be sleeping in his car. Somebody needs to take him in. Spread the word to folks who aren't here and make sure our brother gets a roof over his head." A young fellow who was absent that night got the word, called my husband, and he and his wife gave him the second floor of their house for over two years for next to nothing. They loved him like family, too. Other people there loved on my hubby, too. That was a good place for him. I got treated well by a few kind folks in one of my churches as well, though there were plenty of others in that congregation who were happy to treat the seminary student worker bee like crap.
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May 25 12 6:38 PM
BevSheldon wrote: Hooray for getting there, oppressednomore!Does anyone here have the same issues, but from the opposite side? I think about what I used to be like before I got out, and I can't avoid the word "insufferable." Moving away from that p/c atmosphere coincided with moving away from my hometown after high school, and I became a totally different person. Now I live closer to where I grew up, and I've reconnected to some old youth group friends through Facebook. Several have said we should get together to catch up, but I'm hesitant. I feel like I'd want to apologize, even though I can't think of any specific hurt I inflicted. I'm both embarrassed about how I used to be--which part of me recognizes as kind of ridiculous, since I was in freakin' high school and I was very thoroughly indoctrinated from infancy--and since I know several of them are still really involved in churches (not the one we grew up in, but others), worried that I'll be judged too. Plus I can't imagine sitting around and reminiscing about anything from the youth group days; that period is so associated with pain for me. It's all really awkward, but I don't know how to even begin to answer when they suggest hanging out. And then the old pente guilt, shame, and self-doubt kick in, because *of course* it does, so I worry avoiding the subject will just make me look like that self-righteous kid. That it'll be seen as pretending they never existed apart from superficial Facebook stuff.
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May 28 12 7:35 PM
Thinking back to my time as a pente, I think I was horribly judgemental toward other people during high school. None of my high school friends went to the same church, so I was lucky in that aspect. So far, it seems like only 1 person that I have contact with remembers how judgemental I could be due to the indoctrination (gay is a sin, sex is a sin, alcohol is a sin, catholics aren't real christians...etc...)
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