thanks guys.helpful indeed .the evangelist that was preaching was really mad he didnt get a full alter call after his graphic sermon on hell ihe said if it was 1964 there would no room at the alter. i brought my son who does not live with me to sunday school that day as there are a lot of visiting kids whos parents dont go regulary, preacher he was screaming  like he was in on fire it waas bad and i felt sorry for the visiting kids and my son was scared,his mom now picks him up early sundays to take him to her baptist church,like i said he didnt get the reaction he wanted and i could feel him doing something towards me as he lookin dead in my eyes he was very mad and yeah guess i coulda been all in my mind but it was weird i been to a lotta but this one service with this visiting preacher felt personal and vindictive my family is all involved in the church and me going has brought me closer to them so it keeps me there cause i dont wanna lose that i have not had them really since i left as a teen.i wish i could just go and not have to feel the things i do. it feels if i dont run aisles and do whatever everyone else is doing, they just dont want me there.i really love God and i wanted to change my life i repented truly repented seeked after the Spirit and was clean for a month no sickness no cravings i truly felt born again my friends and family were amazed of the change in me i felt great happy like never before no fear full of hope strong everyone noticed.. but  the church  the class they never let me feel christian or saved beacause i had not yet spoke in tounges and it kept gettin preached that you must to be saved i kept trying and seeking after the HS i had been baptized 15 years ago same church,and im starting to get worried God dont love me doubting,questioning, havin fear, the love stopped depression started boom never used needles now i have done harder drugs all time low. joy is gone.im skeptical. im getting myself cleaned up at the moment withh my familys help.I am considering another church but i love my family and since i started going  i have brought with me other members of my family to church like my son,my granny and my auntie and i want them to be saved so i cant stop going for there sake kinda stuck. i have been going also to a baptist church here and there and the people are nice, i like the way they preach (teach) just the whole trinity thing confuses me.in my studying of the Word i have lerned some things that just dont match up to this doctrine ive been in i just wanna be right but theese people make it hard for someone with questions looking for help.we didnt even pray for japan ..preached they are Godless and its prophecy man i hate the attitudes i could never be like them i truly care bout people and have a desire to help..God is love he does not not enjoy the judgement even though it is just.why do they judge everyone and claim they know the limits of Gods saving grace they need to examine and humble themselves.hard to consider them Christ-like when they conduct themselves like they do.sorry to rant it has helped thanks. just worried some one gonna see this from da church..lol. wondering if pastors lurk on here?? 

Last Edited By: mannycee916 Mar 23 11 7:29 PM. Edited 1 times.