No Charliedog your not alone I cried myself to sleep for years. I felt like such a failure I would repent everyday for being human. I would literally get on my face and cry and beg God to please end my life because I didn't want to kill myself but I couldn't be and I couldn't do what I was told. I failed miserablly it was painful. I wanted so bad to be good but I couldn't. I was so into putting myself down. I would watch every little thing I did and repent for it rather it was good or bad if I thought it was bad I would repent for days upon days. That is not life nor is it livng.