DentalCarrieS wrote:
I am with the it really offends me now camp. But just because like everyone else here, I know what is behind it when it comes from the pentes. Judgement, pure and simple. My response to this statement is usually, "Thank you. I need all the help I can get" as an unholy string of expletives hang in the cartoon thought bubble over my head. At least since I left the church I don't have to hear the out loud prayers in my ear during the alter services about what everyone else thought my problems with god were. " We pray for Carrie's faith, Lord. Let her believe like a child. Have grace and forgiveness on her Lord." Talk about offensive.

Hi Dental Carrie - This posting has my "Transactional Analysis Theory to the Rescue" treatment, so here it is. It is a theory of communication from Eric Berne. People who talk to you in "Parent Mode" ...start a communication that silently expects you to reply in "Child to Parent mode.." So when they say, in Parent mode, "We will pray for you..." then it is natural for you to reply in child, "Thank you - I need all the help I can get" - (after all, our first communication experience was Parent to child...child to parent response)

Berne says, to STOP the patronising parent mode communication, reply in ADULT mode. Adult mode comes from pure logic. What you describe as an "unholy string of expletives" in your mind, seems to me to be pure Adult mode logic, and a legit response to being spoken to in Parent mode. So, in order to avoid drama, don't actually voice the f-words.. but do reply in Adult logic mode. Logic says that you are a grown adult person who actually doesn't need help from people that you don't trust. So you could say, "I don't trust you to pray in a way that is productive or holy, so I am making a request that you do not pray for me." or you could say, "If I want you to pray for me, I will let you know. Thanks." Logic stops the attempt at power that always lies behind parent mode.

Remember - you have the right to put up boundaries to protect yourself. The words, "I will pray for you" can be an attempt to destroy those boundaries and to go where they can have power over you again. Don't let them do that.