charliedog wrote:
Hey there Blackdog - thanks for your post. I haven't been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but when I looked it up, (having been looking at the subject of boundaries) I thought WOAH....because there in black and white on my screen...was your classic Pentecostal. Even down to the fact that a person idealizes their lover one minute and then swiftly turns around and totally devalues them. (Ring any bells with you and the way your ex reacted to you? ) Particulary, the way that "early disclosure" in conversation was the norm in Pente circles when actually it is a form of mental illness called "collapsed boundaries." And the way that Borderline Personality Disorder people like others to define them.

YES! You're right! My ex would idolize me one minute and then for no apparent reason completely degrade me. She seemed to feel that she had to be top dog at all times, except in the bedroom or when she didn't want to be. Yet after we split up she would go on and on and on about how she knew she needed to be a submissive wife now. Tried to point out the obvious...well hon, ya sure blew it didn't ya? But then she'd just say I was being unforgiving! Oh, and as for "early disclosure" I think it was early everything with my ex! We hooked up on our first date, well actually it sort of was the first date. I think I thought I could trust her because we knew a lot about each other. She was definitely into things moving fast, I think she wanted to get me hooked as quick as possible! (Although once she figured she *had* me hooked all the sudden it was "no sex until we get married" but she'd do everything else. Finally I had to sleep on the couch for most of a week to get her to drop that stupid attitude. She had a kid! There was no point in playing the "technical virginity" game except for her needing to feel "holy."

Why is it with Pentes that it somehow always comes down to sex?

Oh, and there *were* no boundaries with her, I swear! We would get into horrible screaming fights about stupid things just because she wouldn't let me have any personal space and I'd get annoyed. She seemed to hate anything or anybody in my life that wasn't necessary for survival (i.e. money) and actively tried to talk me out of going to class a lot (I was a college student at the time) and she'd call me when I was at work sometimes too.

Our relationship was very intense...but honestly it had pretty much crashed and burned after six months, and when I left I didn't have a job, my account was overdrawn, I was about $6000 in debt, and I'd lost most of my previous friends. She spent the next two years trying to suck me back into all the crap, too!