Rob - as I have found before - your words are ever wise. In a previous time I would have said, "inspired by the holy spirit" but hey - lets not go there.

My ex is alot older than me. He's 46. He was brought up in an upper class english home of that era and so it was God and the bible one minute and beatings the next - then he was sent to a boarding school age seven, with pretty much the same deal. It made him mentally ill. There was NO LOVE at all in that set up.

The English upper classes specialize in cruelty, and yes, he said the monks who beat him certainly did get sexual pleasure out of it. You get the picture? So he hurtles through life, in and out of relationships, until I come along. I appear to be a christian who isn't insane, and who is into sex in a big way. Great. Except that a couple of things happen and I throw myself into the charismatic thing, and hurt him alot. Just when he thought he'd reached a point of safety with another person, she hurts him, again and again.

He won't have anything to do with me. Won't answer phone calls and texts. It would be the wrong thing to physically go to see him, because partly, the charismatic thing makes you an intrusive pushy sort of a person. It did with me. And so going to see him, would just be more of the pushy intrusive stuff that he objected to.

I would love to believe that LOVE will save our relationship, but I know him too well. He needs to protect his mental stability. He needs to stay away from being damage by so called Christians who are meant to love him. Its a pattern throughout his life. I understand that he will stay unreachable and again this is part of being part of the English upper classes. They are not like American men who seem more open, expressive etc. They are closed, concrete, correct and they stay that way once you've failed them. Empire builders etc etc.
And there is no point blaming him, or his childhood, (although I do in a way) because I did this.

When I read what Blackdog writes, I wonder if my ex feels the same way. This is awful - this lie that pretends to be christianity. This destroyer, unholy deceiver. Dammit Rob y'know?