Looking4truth wrote:
..and I forgot to mention...that in one of our long conversations about this this week she actually suggested that I return to pentecost with her!!! She has this fantasy in her head that we both return to pentecost, and remain roommates/friends! Can you believe that???

I...of course...reminded her that I'm an atheist...a REAL atheist...not someone who is simply angry so they are "ignoring god" by being an atheist.

I also reminded her...that if I did really still believe down deep...what she is planning on doing to me would be enough to get me to run back to religion....because I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to deal with it when it happens (she talks like it won't happen soon, but she won't promise me anything--I tried to get her to---and she is gone this morning to a pente conference with her mom).

I just don't know how I'm going to handle it. I'm not handling it right now...I'm a mess. I'm trying to be strong, dam*it...I really am. It's not working though.

Blackdog...how did you manage to leave your wife and stay "together"? I just can't imagine!
Oh My God. Just, Oh My God. No I cannot believe that not in one million f*cking years can I believe that she would say that to you or even have such a "fantasy."

Don't let anybody talk you into "running back to religion" L4T. There's nothing wrong with being an Atheist, or a Lesbian, or any of the other things that make you who you are and I know that when people like that say religion they really mean Pentecostalism. You would not be happy in Pentecostalism even if you were on enough prozac to drug keith richards.

*I just finished smoking a couple of camels, at my desk, in the house, and I don't smoke in the house normally but sometimes ya gotta break the rules*

L4T, I really, really, do not for the life of me know how I "survived" that time. I do know that I would rather go through boot camp a million times, physical therapy and learning to walk again a thousand times, and all of the other difficult or painful things I have gone through in my life at least a dozen times each, before I would go through something like that again. Yeah, I'm still "together" emotionally, mentally, most of the time. I manage a life, for sure. I even have a lot of friends and some good, healthy relationships. I haven't had a girlfried in like a year, ya know why? I only know that since my ex-wife, I have never been able to fall in love since then. Sometimes that's what hurts most of all.