Looking4truth wrote:
Blackdog,

I told her those very things in two excrutiatingly LONG conversations we have had this past week. I reminded her how they treated her before when she was a pentecostal! They treated her as an outcast! She has admitted this to me before (although, now she has changed her tune and defends them)! They would call her out of the crowd, from the pulpit...in front of around 700 people...and announce to all that she is a "prize" because she used to be homosexual and (the preacher would was saying this said..) that she was a "rare win" because homosexuals are hard to "win to christ". He would do this every so often...point her out...make her a spectacle and she would be so embarrassed...and all of those homosexual hating rednecks there would look at her in disgust as they would imagine her former sex-life.

She never had any real friends...none that would actually be there for her. When she got sick (she has health problems), and couldn't attend church anymore (or not very often), noone would visit her...check on her, etc. She was alone!

We met because we attended the same church...she had been there a while, but I was new to that particular church (although raised pente)...and until she met me she didn't have a single friend. She just told me last week when writing a paper on childhood that reminded her...that I was her first best friend. I fell in love with her and then she fell in love with me.
....

She will die alone...and that kills me!!!!! I start falling apart everytime I think about that. Who is going to take care of her?? They sure won't...they didn't even check on her before! Her parents are old and in bad health...won't be around in five years more than likely...her sisters are sooooo busy...who is going to watch out for her????

...it's too painful for me to stay around...but I can't stand the thought of leaving her alone either. I'm a mess!!
Heaven and Earth are not humane, L4T, they regard all things as straw dogs.

I know it hurts...I really really know it does...but she is the one making this choice and you can't unmake it for her. To do that would deny the greatest freedom that we all have in any case, freedom of conscience and free will. That some people choose to waste this on a religion that is cruel and manipulative does not make it any less their choice...it might be a badly informed or poorly judged choice or it might not, in this case I don't know enough to say anything about that...but it still sucks.

She'll be miserable, shoot, I'm miserable reading about that church. It sounds like a miserable place. It sounds like the people in it don't care much about anybody but themselves. It kind of makes me think of how in CS Lewis's "The Great Divorce" the gates of hell are unlocked, but the people stay there by free choice for various reasons.

I think I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette now. I'd been doing really good, it's been a few weeks...but this is all too familiar territory for me.




Last Edited By: blackdog Mar 21 09 8:24 AM. Edited 1 times.