How open and honest has the communication been in the relationship?

Often the dysfunctional Pentecostal habit of being shifty, and not saying what we really mean and feel, spills-over into other areas of our lives. I have had this problem to some degree until maybe a combination of counseling and meditation showed me what was going on. Usually, it takes on a certain form. Things are discussed, but we sense that if we "go there" the other will attack us, so we repress the expression of the idea or feeling. However, the repression does not go away. The repressed content builds pressure, until it explodes, often bellowing up from the unconscious and often not under our direct control. I have noticed this is almost every Pentecostal I know. We are taught not to say some things or express some ideas we have. But, the ideas are still there, unexpressed, and in many ways uncontrolled from the inevitable blow-up later on.

The crazy thing is that sometimes we have to avoid certain subjects with Pentecostals because we do not have the time nor the energy to deal wit the drama and the flare-up from saying what we really mean. Often with family we have to set boundaries of discussion.

However, with people we deal with every day, this "don't go there" idea is not healthy.

The other thing I have experienced is that even when we express ourselves openly, as Ex-Pentecostals with years of not practicing this skill, we are very bad at it, and sometimes shock others with our crude skills at self-expression. I have had to learn that things will be okay if I express myself not in an explosive manner, but in a cool, deliberate manner that allows the other to see and "walk-through" my expression, but all the time owning the expression as mine, and mine alone, with no responsibility on the part of the other to accept the expression, but they only have the responsibility to understand the expression.

So, continuing on, how does this identify with your experience of repressing thoughts or "bottling things up"? I have had to personally work hard in this area.

Lutherius, Ex-Pentecostal Godfather

"Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment."
"Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in."
"When they come... they come at what you love."
"He'd better be careful. It's dangerous to be a honest man."
Michael Corleone

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