My kids are so young, I don't really have any advice. I was in a small community- non-charismatic church growing up, and I never felt set apart from my peers, too much. My dad was strict and I wasn't allowed to do as much, but I wasn't really interested in partying and enjoyed youth stuff. My parents just wanted me to make friends with those who were good influences- good grades, not partying alot, not sleeping around...etc. I still have friend from high school who are not christians and who are not living wicked lives.
I'm mortified... petrified... stupefied... by you.
John Nash, A Beautiful Mind