Yes, I am back and forth. I will read a discussion between a christian and a non-believer on Bible stuff, and when the christian is writing, I am like- yea, yea. And when the non-believer is writing, I am like- yep, good point. The problem is, I have been conditioned since the age of 7 to accept "christianese" explanations, plus I have the hell-fear. So it makes sense that christian explanations will make sense, but it doesn't make sense that non-christan explanations will make sense also. I always thought, when I was in my church days, that those "in charge" had all the answers, had figured this out and knew just how everythign worked together and such. Obvious discrepencies- like why Jesus healed all who came to Him, but now almost everyone was denied a healing becasue it must not have been "His will" this time. Then the tithing thing, I thought that pastors had studied this out, and almost every church I have ever been to teaches tithing as mandatory. Yet, a simpleton pew warmer like myself came to the simple conclusion that it didn't line up, based on the simplistic fact that it was OT law and nobody was following the other OT laws. So how could so many pastors- many of them sincere and loving- be decieved in such a manner, when they have gone to seminary. Today's christianity looks nothing like what Jesus espoused- "follow the law, give everything you have to the poor, leave behind family and follow me." The only group I know of who kind of tries to live like this is the Roberts Group (the Garbage Eaters)- and they are a bonafide, dyed in the wool, mindwashed cult.

Then I get crazy thoughts, like, what if the earth ever goes through a cataclysm and human history is wiped out and the remnant people live like hunter/gathers, all technology gone. After a few generations, when the tech days are forgotten, they come across a copy of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Would they make those stories into a holy book?

I better just take the blue pill. My husband will be real po'd if I am not the traditional christian gal he married. If the situation was reversed, I would feel po'd. We'll lose all our friends except a few and my parents will be beyond disappointed. My mil will make it her mission to use her 5th grade level intelligence to try to convince me to convert to catholicism, which is possibly the most non-sensical of the established christian denominations. But I have kids to think about. If it is all not true, then I feel as a parent I am honor bound not to let their minds be captured over as mine has been- bound by hell-fears and such. But if it is true, then I am honor bound to build a foundation of faith in them. :bangG
I'm mortified... petrified... stupefied... by you.
John Nash, A Beautiful Mind