Sorry it took me a while to respond to this one.

It hit close to home, and I took my time thinking about how to answer. This could have been written about me when I was seventeen. I was a self-mutilator also while I pondered the best way to kill myself. I cut my wrists a lot, trying to work up the nerve.

This is what holiness guilt trips do, folks. I thought that my only chance of going to heaven was to die before I could build up any more sin in my life, because no matter how hard I tried, I could never be good enough for God.

I told several people about what I was doing--a cry for help, definitely. One of those people finally called my mother, who beat me black and blue trying to drive the 'demon' out me, and because I was 'ruining her witness'.

That's why I can't, in good conscience, suggest telling this girl's mother. But, by all means, be her friend. Talk to her. There's nothing more terrible than standing all alone, believing God is your enemy and no one will help you.

It breaks my heart. Many teenagers in the UPC (and other strict Apostalic groups) are in a horrible situation, unable to leave, unable to voice any doubts or confusion without being subjected to all kinds of abuse. I have rarely known anyone that grew up in a strict Pentecostal family who hasn't considered suicide. And self-mutilation is shockingly common as well.