As I already mentioned, I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for years, and nothing helped. There wasn´t a single day in my life for at least 10 years that didn´t start with anxiety and a feeling of being doomed.
Looking back, I can hardly fathom how I could live like that, and sometimes I´m still grieving for that time, the best years of my "womanhood", so to speak. From my early thirties to my early fourties, when my daughter was little and unbelievably cute and needed a mother who was funny and strong, while I was just trying to make it through the day and tackle my tasks.
I read countless books, Christian or non-Christian, tried antidepressants (just made me feel worse and gain weight), counseling, worked out, confessed every sin I could think of, tried to read the bible regularly and of course, asked for prayers again and again. Nothing really made them go away. Can you imagine how I felt, besides the horror of regular anxiety? Concerning the migraine, it was pretty much the same.

Today, I hardly suffer from anxiety anymore, only if I´m extremely exhausted, overwhelmed or my blood sugar is low (which means there is an actual cause I can see and do something against it). What happened? What changed?

1) I quit my marriage to a man who didn´t love me anymore, who was addicted to gambling and computer games, and we hardly had anything in common. He is an introvert and wants to be left alone, while I want to talk and share my time with my partner. He decided to stay in another country after losing his job here, and not come back (just for rief visits), although we were married and had a child, and he expected me to accept that situation for an indefinite time. Who wants to live like that? Understandably, he was also annoyed by my anxiety disorder and my frequent migraine attacks, and he was frustrated because I had gained weight (by medication), but all that also had something to do with HIM. I stayed together with him for all the wrong reasons, but when I decided to break up, I was so relieved. Never regretted it for one second.

2) Next thing was leaving church. That was really hard after 23 years, but very necessary. At first, that decision caused even more anxiety, but the longer I was away, the better I felt. Again, I never regretted leaving, not for one second. Looking back, I see all the unhealthy patterns, the way of thinking and seeing things through the pentecostal glasses, demonizing every little thing, trying to be perfect and constantly feeling like crap, constantly being afraid of God being angry at me. That was so exhausting and anxiety producing. 

3) Getting a healthy distance to my mother (before she became so sick), stopping to feel guilty and responsible for her, and reconsidering relationships to other people, too, drawing back from people who are not good for me ect.

4) Counseling by a non-Christian therapist, cognitive behavioral therapy helped me enormously to understand where I was coming from and how to change thinking patterns. I owe this lady keeping my sanity.

4) Changing jobs. Now I´m at a place where nobody´s breathing down my neck or putting me under constant pressure, where I can work at my own pace and even get positive feedback.

5) Meeting the right person for me, someone who really loves me for who I am, who appreciates me and loves being with me, talk to me and share his time with me.

The migraine also got much better, because I don´t have to take medication anymore, because I don´t have so much pressure anymore, because I´m getting older (body produces less homones), because I´m more relaxed now, I´m loved and there are so many good things going on in my life, and I don´t have so much anxiety anymore (body produces less stress hormones). And I´m doing things because I WANT to do them, not because I HAVE to do them.

Conclusion: God healed me, but not in spectacular, miraculous, instant session because some famous preacher put his hands on me, but by gradual positive and necessary changes over years. And I´m very thankful! 

Last Edited By: Heidi Jul 20 12 8:57 AM. Edited 2 times.