not1perfect wrote:
walkawayarchie wrote:It was a "spiritual rape" and our very being was "devalued", "degraded" and "betrayed". They want to "anniliate" us at our very core. As far as I'm concerned any amount of time spent around these pente people is too much!
In a sense, we go through a grieving process ourselves, because a big chunk of our lives was stolen (at least for most of us), and our very being was violated- it was almost a spiritual rape.
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What Are Some "Things" You Did to Begin to Recover from Pente?
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 not1perfect |
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Posts: 108 (06/26/09 14:49:29) |
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06/26/09 15:30:08.
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CaroG87 |
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Posts: 827 (06/27/09 04:02:02) exPc Fan |
This is some interesting insight about "loving your neighbor as yourself." For me, it always seemed to delve into the thought of "love your
neighbor way better than yourself"............. and I wonder if that (along with other uncontrollable factors like genetics) helped to play into my
thought processes growing up as a way-overweight teen and into my adult life.
It really wasn't until I hit about 35 that the proverbial light bulb came on, and I started speaking my mind, standing up for myself, etc. -- LONG after I'd left the P/C realm physically. I never thought about it until now, but I do wonder if the thought processes stayed with me way longer than I ever imagined. Amazing how I thought I had left it behind when really, part of it was still embedded deep in the brain and just kind of veneered over. It's funny, but I've started taking way better care of myself since turning 35 and it includes not just the physical but the mental (which I'm still working on). Believe me, I have lots more to delve through besides just the spiritual/religious stuff but now I'm seeing where that ties into how it shaped my thinking. I am planning to seek professional counseling as I begin the next phase of my physical self (having the excess skin removed after the weight loss). It's something I know I will need to do in order to reframe my psyche to deal with being a smaller me and some of the body-image issues that come from that ..... add all the (shinola) about body image that comes from a Pente upbringing (even one as close to normal as mine was), and ...... well, it could be I spend a lot of time on a therapy couch! This is great food for thought, and I appreciate everyone's input. It's made me consider a few things I hadn't thought of, which probably do need addressing. |
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tandc90 |
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Posts: 1224 (06/27/09 04:58:56) exPc Fan |
Caro, I've heard that the mid-thirties are a time when a lot of people begin to deal with things. Apparently at that age most of us are mature enough
psychologically to handle the fear and pain that goes along with it.
And I've noticed the same thing in myself, that I have some leftover pente stuff hidden inside. It hasn't happened in a while though so hopefully it's all purged out like the infection it truly is. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 112 (06/27/09 17:28:40) |
Having a major problem with not being able to "trust" people since being "shunned" and leaving pente. Any suggestions on how I can
start to recover from this?
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walkawayarchie |
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Posts: 267 (06/27/09 17:40:26) |
I wouldn't try to push it too fast. Many of the people I know still have trust problems- years after they walked. Let people earn your trust- you don't
have to trust people just because you've met them.
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tandc90 |
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Posts: 1230 (06/27/09 17:55:18) exPc Fan |
I agree with Archie. It simply takes time to get over it all.
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 113 (06/27/09 18:08:46) |
walkawayarchie wrote:Archie - Would you mind expounding on "letting people earn your trust"? How do you do that? I realize it takes time - but one must start somewhere. I have gone from trusting "too much" to "not trusting" at all. I think either end of the spectrum is unhealthy.
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/27/09 18:15:51.
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charliedog |
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Posts: 376 (06/29/09 04:16:09) |
not1perfect wrote: There is an actress called Lysette Anthony was got involved with Kensington Temple, Pente in London and I remember reading one of her interviews, where she described the experience as like spiritual rape. Interesting . |
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walkawayarchie |
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Posts: 273 (06/29/09 07:29:47) |
I might add that I said "almost a spiritual rape" because when I've said "is spiritual rape", I've been jumped on by people who blasted me for equaling what we went through with what a
woman who was physically raped went through. That was VERY unpleasant. I tend to use hedge words because if I don't, someone around will get nasty (based
on my experiences).
not1perfect- don't trust people (you can be friendly and so on) until they demonstrate that (1) they aren't Pentecostals and (2) their personality is such that betraying trusts, ect. would be foreign to them. As we know, Pentecostals (and other ilk such as con artists) seek people out, try to get their un-earned trust, and then betray that trust. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 116 (06/29/09 09:53:17) |
walkawayarchie wrote:Archie - I know what you mean regarding the aforementioned wording, I should have said "almost" a spiritual rape. Thanks for the guidance on the "trust" issue. I appreciate it and, in my opinion, agree wholeheartedly!!!!
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/29/09 10:03:27.
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walkawayarchie |
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Posts: 274 (06/29/09 10:54:23) |
I may get jumped on again, but I think IS a form of rape would be more accurate.
Both what we were put through and rape are severe violations of the person. Both have long-term mental and emotional fallout. Both "activities" were meant to severely demean the victim. They say that rape isn't a crime of "passion" or sex- it's a violent debasement of another and done for power issues. That's very much like what we were put through. In some cases, it even included physical violations (as in the ersatz "exorcisms" and so on). Only the physical part of the act is different. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 117 (06/29/09 14:34:47) |
What about the countless number of individuals who were both spirtually and sexually violated by these so called preachers? I can't even begin to imagine
- it is so horrific!!
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/29/09 14:37:40.
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walkawayarchie |
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Posts: 275 (06/29/09 14:49:35) |
Very true. IMO, it's all too common. They arrest a "youth minister" quite regularly in this area for pedophilia. Not all are from the Pentecostal
churches, but at the same time quite a few seem to have come out of Pentecostalism/Dominionism/Fundamentalism and taken "positions" in other
denominations.
Then there are the stories you hear about- of big-name pastors fathering multiple children by different women than his wife... etc. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 119 (06/29/09 15:07:33) |
Archie - How true. I realize that these types of violations are not just specific to the pentes, however, I thought I should keep my comments specific to
the penteville preachers/pastors.
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 120 (06/30/09 04:33:24) |
One of the things that I have found to be helpful in my recovery is just sitting down with a paper and pen and writing about my experiences in the pente
church. This frees me from the fear of being judged, criticized, misunderstood, compared to others, dismissed or invalidated. We are all unique and
different individuals - one persons stage of recovery is no less or greater than someone elses. It's just where they happen to be at the moment. Since
we were invalidated and, in my case I was, unaccepted by the pente people and thrown out - it is important that I don't look to others for acceptance but
to start accepting myself for who I am with all my strengths and weaknesses combined. Also to accept where I am in my recovery process today and to not
project too much forward or backward but focus on today. Tomorrow may be a better day or perhaps a not so good day in the recovery process - but that's
apart of life!
The pente churches don't preach self-acceptance but rather preach self-hate and self-denial . They instill false trust and false hope and in so doing get people to deny reality. There was nothing real in the pente church it was a foundation of sinking sand built upon LIES which cannot stand the test of time. Not1Perfect
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06/30/09 08:00:43.
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boustro |
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Posts: 4640 (06/30/09 10:13:17) There are some who call me .... Timmay! |
Great post, n1p.
For me, the best things I did were: #1 (obviously): Getting out of there! #2 Joining this forum. #3 Taking a long break from church. My break may not have been long enough, actually. Thinking about taking another one.
Tim
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 121 (06/30/09 10:22:12) |
Boustro - Yes, finding this forum was the BEST thing I ever did - also, I am now grateful that they kicked me out - they did me a favor - it was devastating at
the time and if I had not found this forum I don't know what I would have done. I've said it before and I'll say it again this website has been a
LIFESAVER!
I can look back at their "shunning" me for smoking cigarettes and now actually laugh at their pettiness and acting like school age children. As for going to church - I don't see myself getting involved in any church or religion without much questioning, thought and very rigorous study.
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/30/09 11:05:56.
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 122 (06/30/09 13:12:10) |
This website has given me the insights, information, enlightenment and guidance I needed to start to recover from pentecostalism. Thankfully, it is not a
popularity contest or an I.Q. competition - but a support group for ex-pentecostals from all walks of life.
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/30/09 18:23:33.
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holly |
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Posts: 236 (06/30/09 14:25:10) |
Archie - Would you mind expounding on "letting people earn your trust"? How do you do that? I realize it takes time - but one must start
somewhere. I have gone from trusting "too much" to "not trusting" at all. I think either end of the spectrum is unhealthy.
My opinion - start slowly meaning with someone you think is likely to be ok take small steps that you would find difficult - think carefully then trust someone with something small that you find hard. See how it goes and make sure they keep that trust. Then gradually build up either/both the number of people you can trust or the size of things you can trust them with by trying things that are just slightly out of your confidence zone. Bear in mind to be careful about who you trust. And - that no-one will be perfect, theres a very fuzzy line between people making the occasional mistake (eg in a friendship) and serious betrayal of trust - and its easy to confuse the two and either totaly overreact and stop trusting or over-trust by dismissing problems. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 123 (06/30/09 16:37:01) |
Holly - thanks!!! I appreciate your insights into the "trust" issue. This area has been an ongoing problem for me and was exacerbated by my
experiences in the pente church.
I confided something to the pente pastor and I just assumed that he would keep it confidential like a Priest would. Well, was I wrong. The next thing I knew he told his wife and from there it went all over the church. I was shocked and humiliated beyond belief!!
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/30/09 16:46:17.
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