Isn't it great not to CARE anymore about converting people, or healing them, or being Christ-like, or going to church, or
trying to get people to think as you are meant to want them to think.
I'm sorta falling apart, actually, and its ok. I'm ok with it. I just eat, sleep, walk the dog..I feel like a person who is recovering from something.
Missing my ex, but even with that, I don't feel like I care about anything much - apart from missing him... I should never have tried deliverance on him,
but I read a book called Pigs in the Parlour and there was a whole chapter on Schizophrenia and how it could be healed.
mess mess mess mess and oh my goodness me...mess. Really.
- Azusa Street Survivors
- Friends & Family of Pentecostal Victims & Survivors
- General Discussion
- Sign In . . .
- Membership/Help Center
- Suggestion Box
- Private Forum Rules and Policies
- nghtmrchld26's posts on 12/9/07
- Support/Discussion Archives
- Azusa Street Survivors Archives II
- Azusa Street Survivors Archive III
- Azusa Street Survivors Archives IV
- General Discussion Archives II
- General Discussion Archives III
- External Site Archives
Isn't it great not to care anymore?
| Author | Comment | ||
|---|---|---|---|
 charliedog |
Isn't it great not to care anymore? |
Lead | |
|
Posts: 365 (06/27/09 12:53:18) |
|
||
|
blackdog |
|||
|
Posts: 882 (06/27/09 14:13:49) |
charliedog wrote: You feel that way, Charliedog, because you ARE recovering from something. That's a good thing though, you'll eventually feel okay. I think Pentecostalism causes a sickness of the soul. In its most extreme form it causes people to view evil acts as good, and good acts as evil...to replace compassion with judgement, and love with hate. Yours at least, seems to have been a mild case...I think the prognosis is pretty good in the long term.
Last Edited By: blackdog
06/27/09 14:16:20.
Edited 1 times.
|
||
|
tandc90 |
|||
|
Posts: 1227 (06/27/09 14:17:07) exPc Fan |
Ahhh, yes. That's one of the greatest things about recovering from it all, that wonderful freedom from obligatory caring. In fact, it's freed me up to
truly care about people. I now know when I feel compassion it's real and not some fake obligatory thing designed to make some spiritual brownie points or
because someone told me I should feel that way.
Don't worry too much, Charliedog. You'll eventually regain your equilibrium. |
||
|
CaroG87 |
|||
|
Posts: 829 (06/27/09 16:02:06) exPc Fan |
I know -- there are plenty of evangelical Christians I know (not just P/C'ers) who probably think I am not a good Christian at all because I don't have
this overwhelming urge to try to convert people -- or if they're already Christian, to get them into my church.
The way I see it, their faith is between them and their Higher Power. Not me and them, me and the Higher Power, or any other possible combination. Why should I be so presumptious to assume that they're the ones in error? Who am I to say how God/Higher Power should or shouldn't work? I think it's way more dangerous to put God in a box and assume that's the only way he works. (Please note: I use "God" and "he" because that's just what I'm used to; insert the noun/name and pronoun of your choice, please.) |
||
|
not1perfect |
|||
|
Posts: 111 (06/27/09 16:09:26) |
From my experience in the pente church, I feel freed from not having to worry about being caught wearing pants or shorts out in public, or wearing makeup. I
don't have to feel condemned or like a hypocrite for smoking cigarettes. I am no longer gripped with the fear of losing my salvation because I can't
live up to someone's else's preconceived expectations of what I should be or not be. I am not judging thoughts as a good or bad thoughts - they are
just thoughts. I am not judging emotions that I am feeling as good or bad - they are just emotions. I am beginning to feel free from the self-hate and
self-loathing that they instilled in me. Also, I am learning to accept myself and not be so "hard" on myself, and in so doing, the more I can be
accepting of others for who they are. The progress that I have made is due entirely to this website!!!!!!!!!!!
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/27/09 16:56:29.
Edited 7 times.
|
||
|
scribe2007 |
|||
|
Posts: 1194 (06/27/09 16:52:49) exPc Fan |
charliedog wrote: It's GREAT not to have to care any more! I am really enjoying being a right +%++@ sometimes LOL. And as Tandc says, you end up caring more about people as they really are. I am in the process of cleaning up my life from old and unhealthy relationships - mainly from the p/c church. I always thought that if God had brought someone into your life then it was for some miserable purpose or other and you were stuck with it...but now, I am free to say, I don't think this is working, and to step back. Sure, I feel like a +%++@ for doing it - but really, I don't have the emotional energy to waste on unhealthy relationships that consist of them trying to "bring me back to God" or whatever, and "offering to pray for me"! I would much rather invest myself in good quality relationships for the future.
Cruelty I believe is just one of the dark fruits of pentecostalism. - PepperMintPaty
|
||
|
DiamondGirllovesHarleys |
|||
|
Posts: 780 (06/27/09 18:42:08) exPc Fan |
I always had a heart for people and great deal of compassion I always have for me it wasn't faked I was really trying because I truly cared and I thought
what I was doing was right. I still care for people and try to help. However I am free from the pain of always feeling like I wasn't doing enough. I
remember at time when I was working 40 hours a week monday thru friday then on Saturday I would do visitations on people to make sure they were gonna be on the
church Sunday morning and then on Sunday morning do bus ministry for 8 hours. I did this for six months or so by the time I left the bus ministry I was wore
out but I felt so guilty about leavin. I remember crying to God saying I was so tired. People had the nerve to tell me that if it was from God and I was doing
for God then I wouldn't be tired that God would give me the strength. It was a year or so before I got back into ministry and then I thru myself back into
it. Everything I did I did from a good place I never meant to hurt anybody but people sure didn't mind hurting me. I just wanted to belong and help others
and I wanted my life to make a difference and I thought it was. The only thing was I wasn't in a place to help others because I needed help myself. My
husband had died from cancer my brother had been killed and I had an abusive boyfriend at the time and here I was trying to help others I couldn't even
help myself. I was so crying myself to sleep at night because I was in so much pain and nobody would help me but if I didn't want to help others and I
didn't do things then I wasn't right with God. Thats not true.
|
||
|
RobWood |
|||
|
Posts: 163 (06/27/09 21:49:05) |
Every survivor of religious indoctrination has a lot of healing to do. We're like animals who have escaped from steel traps, and who have to go off and
lick our wounds until we can walk again. It's OK to become self-centered and "fall apart" after that escape. We're lucky to be alive,
emotionally.
Rob |
||
|
lozza |
|||
|
Posts: 3732 (06/28/09 01:55:44) Musical Mantric |
but I read a book called Pigs in the Parlour and there was a whole chapter on Schizophrenia and how it could be healed.Charliedog, I've read that book too. |
||
|
charliedog |
|||
|
Posts: 368 (06/28/09 05:21:46) |
Have you Lozza? And what did you think?
Diamondgirl, your posting made me so angry on your behalf - how dare those people judge you? Everyone, especially Rob Wood, your insights are so important and valuable. Thank you and thanks to the forum in general. Where would we be without it? |
||
|
Henny Binn |
|||
|
Posts: 77 (06/28/09 06:36:10) |
Yes......Yes...Yes...it is GREAT to not care anymore. No longer do I care about how I'm "groowwinng in the graaace and knoowlege" of the lord. No
longer do I care about whether or not somebody will see me buying a sixpack o beer in the store. No longer do I care about whether or not the
"rapture" is going to take place in 2012 or whatever. I no longer care about what these whack job TV preachers say about our country or our
culture.....it simply IS...what it IS...nothing more..nothing less. Besides...these whack job preachers don't know "*%*! from shinola" about real
life anyway......Why listen to them??? All they care about is FUND RAISING.
I remember Pigs in the Parlor. It was written by Earl Paulk who was another of many religious whack jobs who got a book published...which, by the way, isn't all that hard to do. I do remember this particular book bringing about a "wind of doctrine" to where folks were running around literally LOOKING for demons to cast out of people. Even Christians. Somehow this guy was able to convince folks that sin wasn't a personal responsibility issue...but that apparently, "satan" assigned "demons" to all the "sins" that confront folks every day. For example....the "demon" of smoking, the "demon" of alcohol, the"demon" of promiscuous sex etc etc etc. Well....I could go on and on as I wasted over 30 years of my life involved with these creeps and I have certainly seen the "endgame" of many a life that has been screwed up by these people. I won't say I've "seen it all" but I've seen a lot and I can attest to you, folks, If you can get out of it....STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT....I struggle every day, folks. I feel like a man without a country because when you spend that much time in charismania...a lot of your social network is filled with people that you don't necessarily want to hang out with any longer because you know how damned nutty they are. I'm slowly making the adjustment but I got out several years ago...and it is quite a process that I'm still working out.  Henny
|
||
|
brainy |
|||
|
Posts: 107 (06/28/09 08:51:10) |
For those of us who still believe what is great is going to church with no pressure. I can just sit and listen and no one cares if I am not "showing"
my faith enough. I really enjoy the freedom of going to a church where you might actually hear something helpful and not just another exercise in screaming and
yelling followed by bouts of obnoxious and never-ending crying. I sometimes skip church and go to Rams or Cardinals game and I feel no shame!
|
||
|
walkawayarchie |
|||
|
Posts: 269 (06/28/09 10:06:24) |
I can't imagine going to a church without pressure. I've never experienced anything like that- even before I fell into the AoG cult, the churches were
always pressuring- give more, do more, be more active, be more "obedient to God".
Even the churches we attended after I walked- there was always pressure. Generally the idea was that no matter what you did, it wasn't enough. |
||
|
Henny Binn |
|||
|
Posts: 78 (06/28/09 12:34:54) |
It's take take take...and when you are exhausted.....they take some more. Trust me....the only thing that matters to these professional charismatic type
whack jobs who run these churches.......is the proverbial "bottom line"...I know of what I speak......When money gets short you can count on a bit
more o the fire and brimstone/give and it shall be given to you/tithe and god will open the windows of heaven/yack yack yack yack SERMON.....so they can get
the tithing back up. These people could care less about what you have to go through to earn what you make.....THEY sit around all week trying to figure out how
to get MORE out of you...ESPECIALLY the friggen PENTECOSTAL WHACKS!!!!! They're the friggin WORST!!!! What is it about whack job pentecostals....and
MONEY??????? I ask you????
Henny
|
||
|
Henny Binn |
|||
|
Posts: 79 (06/28/09 12:36:55) |
I guess it's "YOU CANNOT SERVE GOD AND MAMMON.....SO YA FRIGGEN MIGHT AS WELL GIVE IT TO US" mentality that these preachers learned somewhere in
LA LA land or wherever the @%*# they went to "seminary"
Henny
|
||
|
charliedog |
|||
|
Posts: 371 (06/28/09 12:42:55) |
blackdog wrote:Blackdog, you have a brilliant way with words. Yes, "A sickness of the soul" and Yes, "to view evil acts as good and good acts as evil" and YES, "to replace compassion with judgement" YES - Blackdog....Charliedog wags tail and nods in agreement, and gives you a kiss. xxx LOVE YA!!! |
||
|
charliedog |
|||
|
Posts: 372 (06/28/09 12:47:18) |
YES! Go-Henny! That is so true. YES
 �So I've added in� "Birth of the True" for you
in appreciation of Henny Binn.
|
||
|
charliedog |
|||
|
Posts: 373 (06/28/09 12:59:51) |
Henny, in case you are thinking, "What?" Some of Roddy Frame's lyrics came to me when I was reading your post. From "Down the Dip" I
remembered, "I swear I'm touched but then I'm tired...with everyone that tries to tire me.. " And from Birth of the True, I thought the
words, "sometimes I get down, but its not you that gets me down, its just the sense of the impossible, deliberately handed down...But Oh no..not you...
Don't wipe your eyes over lies, just let them shine their blue,.."
Then he talks about "with every whisper that welcomes, the birth of the true..." Now, I don't know much about Roddy Frame's life - just that he was a Christian at some point and knows about tongues, - and that at 19, he married into (I'm guessing here ) an American fundamentalist family. Now, from the rough side of Glasgow, into all that....That's quite a leap, and when he sings, "Its just the sense of the impossible, deliberately handed down." I get a sense of the points that you made in this post and a view others. That there is a deliberation from the leaders in handing down THE IMPOSSIBLE. And how cruel is that. Hope you like Roddy. |
||
|
tandc90 |
|||
|
Posts: 1234 (06/28/09 16:16:43) exPc Fan |
Somehow this guy was able to convince folks that sin wasn't a personal responsibility issue...but that apparently, "satan" assigned "demons" to all the "sins" that confront folks every day. For example....the "demon" of smoking, the "demon" of alcohol, the"demon" of promiscuous sex etc etc etc. So is this the guy responsible for that BS? I never heard of Pigs in the Parlor but definitely know all about demons of "fill in blank." |
||
|
lozza |
|||
|
Posts: 3735 (06/29/09 02:12:47) Musical Mantric |
Have you Lozza? And what did you think?Charliedog, I found the book typically charismatic and boring. Now, there is one book I read about twelve years ago and it chilled me to the bone...a book by Don Bashaam called "Deliver Us From Evil." Freaky stuff. |
||
|
charliedog |
|||
|
Posts: 374 (06/29/09 04:07:38) |
scribe2007 wrote: Wise Words Indeed Scribe. "I dont have the emotional energy to waste on unhealthy relationships.... I would rather invest myself in good quality relationships.." |
||
- Azusa Street Survivors
- Friends & Family of Pentecostal Victims & Survivors
- General Discussion
- Sign In . . .
- Membership/Help Center
- Suggestion Box
- Private Forum Rules and Policies
- nghtmrchld26's posts on 12/9/07
- Support/Discussion Archives
- Azusa Street Survivors Archives II
- Azusa Street Survivors Archive III
- Azusa Street Survivors Archives IV
- General Discussion Archives II
- General Discussion Archives III
- External Site Archives
