Even though my "Baptist" cousin lives in Arizona (I live in Maryland) he is the only living relative I have. His wife told me when I told her I
left the Independent Pente. church I was going to - to go to an Assembly of God church that they were "good" and "loving" and that no one
there would "shunn" me for smoking cigs. I told her that I didn't believe in "speaking in tongues" or "prophecy" or their
other nonsense, that the only thing I liked was their music. She told me that there "is such a thing as speaking in tongues" and
"prophecy" and I told her that God gave me a "brain" and he expects me to use it!! She didn't know what to say back to that. She then
started urging me to go to a Celebrate Recovery meeting and told me that they had "music" there. When I asked her if the Celebrate Recovery people
would try to "control" me she said "no" they leave it up to you (which I find hard to believe).
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Need Your Guidance/Opinions On a Dilemma
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 not1perfect |
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Posts: 35 (06/14/09 07:11:28) |
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/14/09 07:51:35.
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Lutherius |
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Posts: 3987 (06/14/09 08:03:14) Happy Reprobate |
Well, people need to quit trying to get you to join things.
They should be telling you to take a break for a few months to think about where your life will go from here. It is reckless to jump into something without preparation and study.
Lutherius
"I cannot and I will not recant. Here I stand; I can do no other." Martin Luther Ex-Pentecostal Forums Lutherius' Blog (Archived Essays) Pentecostal Watchdog Society (Yahoo Allied Group) derkrash@earthlink.net (My Personal Email) |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 37 (06/14/09 08:49:56) |
I am 55 yrs. old and haven't worked in years and as a result have hardly any friends. I suffer from complex PTSD as a result of childhood issues. I am married with no children. My Baptist cousin and his wife want me to "get out of the house" and make friends. I don't want so called friends who try to control me, push their beliefs down my throat or abuse me. I don't know how or where to go to try to make friends at this stage of my life. I know the pente. church wasn't one of them or anything remotely like them is a no, no. Anyone have suggestions for me?
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06/14/09 11:57:28.
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 walkawayarchie |
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Posts: 197 (06/14/09 09:05:16) |
Quite a few, actually- but none of them are quick solutions.
Do you have any hobbies? Find a group that is based upon your hobbies. What about education? The people in the church turned out to be false friends, but when I returned to school I met people who thought more like I do, and made several real friends there. Maybe take a couple of classes if there is a university near you?* You've also got online friends and places to share- like at this blog. That can open doors. Go exploring- do things that you'd like to do, and you may meet new friends at those places. Depending on the area, there MAY be some liberal churches near where you live. The United Church of Christ is well aware of dominionism, likewise the (non-conservative-leaning) Episcopal churches may be good (depends on the area and if the parish has been steeplejacked), and the Universal Unitarians are also well aware of just how bad the dominionists/pentecostals can be (they actually have said that they are often considered a retreat for walkaways). There are also Methodist churches and others who have been burned and thus would keep the bad news people away. One bit of "negative advice"- remember that Dominionists (and many pentecostals) will get involved in non-church things JUST to make converts. If church activity is pushed (and if it's even remotely connected with dominionism/pentecostalism), avoid that person at all costs- you can NOT trust a dominionist/pentecostal to actually be wanting to be friends without a hidden agenda. * edit- I might add that non-religious universities tend to have more critical thinkers around and they also tend to be more liberal, which means that the sort of thinking connected with dominionism/pentecostalism would not last there. |
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blackdog |
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Posts: 861 (06/14/09 11:26:54) |
walkawayarchie wrote:Actually it's been my experience that around here at least...those people tend to form their own clubs. But yeah, as for the hidden agenda thing I would say that's 100% accurate. |
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Taco Fred |
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Posts: 1147 (06/14/09 11:52:29) exPc Fan |
not1perfect wrote:That sounds very similiar to me during the first nine years after leaving penteville. I was 27 years old, college drop-out, with no friends, and a job that paid very little. I had no social skills whatsoever. I could count the dates I had been on with one hand. One day, I decided I would change my life once and for all. Fortunately for me I was at a young age, so I joined the Army. That was the best thing I ever did. It got me away from my home state where all of my relatives and most people I knew were pentes. Over the years, I was able to change my personality completely. If I had not gotten away completely, I would have probably committed suicide. It has been years since I walked around looking over my shoulder scared to death I would run into some churchgoer and get a pentecostal beatdown. It is really tough to change, but you can do it. I wish you the best. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 38 (06/14/09 12:17:57) |
Archie - I find the people in churches to be "holier than thou" and "self-righteous". I don't feel I can form friendships with
people who I can't be myself with or be "real" with. I guess I am just soured on all churches at the moment. However, I may take your
suggestion to take a class at a University. Thanks for all your suggestions and guidance! As for the Celebrate Recovery group - I am staying away!
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/14/09 13:30:16.
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walkawayarchie |
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Posts: 198 (06/14/09 13:25:23) |
I still haven't really grasped that concept. I guess it's partially because they preached that you couldn't love others unless you loved yourself
first (and any such "love" was fake). I knew that I didn't love myself at all, but I loved others*. That preaching put me in a real bind- I got
to doubting my own emotions (which they taught weren't reliable anyway) and my own reality. I now wonder if that wasn't their goal all along (and I
still have problems accepting the reality of things I experience - because it goes contrary to everything I was taught).
We sometimes talk about trying to find a church- but then something happens to remind us of how we were really treated, and we both drop the idea. My other half was treated like dirt by the other church women- they left her behind without means of finding out where to go, they were always flaunting their wealth in her face, and seemed to be upset with her because she couldn't afford to do the things they did. When faced with a choice between doing two different things- they always chose that which cost more (and thus made it far harder on her). * They also taught and parroted all the time "No one ever hated his own flesh" (Eph 5:29) - well, they need to talk with people with chronic medical problems and/or chronic pain. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 39 (06/14/09 13:59:03) |
Archie - I think these impositions put upon us by these so called "religious" people are bunk. I felt for years the same as you - I loved others but
didn't love myself. I still don't know if "love" is the correct word - but I feel I can accept myself more especially after going through
what I went through with these so called "christians" and being "shunned". Isn't there a song that says "Just As I am"....
If the religious people can keep us feeling less than or not accepted for who or what we are or bad about ourselves - then they have no people to keep coming
back and keep giving them money and then they would be out a job! They want us to "trust" them - and they try to shatter the belief in the one
person we should "trust" ourselves!
In the church I went to they were always talking about "how we need to crucify the flesh" like our humanism is some terrible thing - at least that's how I took it. On the Celebrate Recovery issue - I am not going - thanks for all the info. you provided!!!!
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/14/09 16:38:20.
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tandc90 |
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Posts: 1161 (06/14/09 18:19:57) exPc Fan |
Not1perfect, what has helped me in my recovery from charismania was to stop rushing around and trying to fix the problem and hurry along my recovery. I've
had to learn to stop, breath, and just be. It took a long, long time.
Do you want to socialize? Just because others think socializing is "the answer" doesn't mean it is (I'm referring to your friends in real life, not anyone here). We're all different. I'm an introvert. Put me in a group people, and ten minutes later I'm losing my mind, exhausted, and ready to go to my quiet home and not see another soul for several weeks. I have very few friends and I like it that way. I think the most important question you need to answer for yourself is what do you want. You're in a unique position that we've all been in. You are being reborn into your real self instead of who they've told you you are. You now have choices and the freedom to feel and do whatever you want. 
By the way, now that I know a bit about your family of origin I can see why the church's shunning affected you to such an extent. It was your childhood all over again, right? Have you ever read Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw? It's a really good book I'm currently going through. It's very illuminating on how our childhood dynamics affect us and our adult selves. He also spends a bit of time on religious abuse. |
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lozza |
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Posts: 3694 (06/15/09 00:10:01) Musical Mantric |
My Baptist cousin who wants me to attend "Celebrate Recovery" meetings also went to "Teen Challenge for Adults" for a couple of years. Does anyone know what this is? Is it pentecostal? Yes, Teen Challenge is very Pentecostal. _______________ Sorry, for some reason I didn't see the other two pages before I posted this. I would urge you to consider going to college or meeting people through some secular means.
Last Edited By: lozza
06/15/09 00:15:03.
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 40 (06/15/09 03:48:01) |
I would like to "thank" everyone for sharing with me. You have all help to enlighten me!!!
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/19/09 23:44:46.
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Lainie |
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Posts: 77 (06/15/09 17:47:28) |
not1- I have to echo lozza here- going back to school could be the best thing you've ever done. Also finding some secular group to get involved with- I was
a very lonely at-home-mom with only church 'friends' (who weren't really friends- just the usual pente posers) when I stumbled into a living
history group. I made some real friends there, people who were really with me and supportive when my marriage fell apart, and who are still my dear friends now
20 years later.
Do be aware that you will get flack from the pente community for doing this though- I got no end of cr@p from them when I suddenly had a life outside the church, and when I left my marriage and went back to school it was ugly. (There was even talk of kidnapping and 'deprogramming' me- apparently they though I must have been brainwashed to leave their 'loving' embrace. Complete BS. Fortunately I had real friends to help me out.) Hang in there- life can and will get better! |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 66 (06/19/09 18:19:33) |
It turns out that my Pente/Baptist cousin was "setting me up". I checked Celebrate Recovery out and it stated that "they help people overcome the "sin" of smoking cigs. (my cousin is always hounding me about my smoking). I was kicked out of a pente church for the "sin" of smoking cigs. and my cousin was setting me up to walk right back into the same kind of group of narrow minded, self-righteous and condesending group that I just came out of. I am boiling mad!!!! These Fundamentalist/Pentes think that they can judge, criticize and condemn me to hell for smoking a few cigs. a day!!! Thank God they are NOT God - God looks at the heart - all these self-righteous - holier than thou people do is think they are so superior and look down their noses at the poor "ole sinner" who smokes cigs. If my cousin wasn't on a 2 week vacation - he would get a "piece" of my mind for trying to set me up!!! I have had it with these people. My cousin tells me to stay away from "dead" churches - well I'm about ready to run, not walk, back to the Catholic Church which he calls "dead". As far as I am concerned these Fundie/Pentes are the ones that are "dead" - "brain dead"!!!!
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06/19/09 19:59:41.
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lozza |
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Posts: 3710 (06/20/09 00:07:36) Musical Mantric |
It turns out that my Pente/Baptist cousin was "setting me up". I checked Celebrate Recovery out and it stated that "they help people overcome the "sin" of smoking cigs. (my cousin is always hounding me about my smoking). How awful. I had a feeling the programme was about recovery from a habit as soon as I read your first post on the subject. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 69 (06/20/09 14:10:44) |
lozza wrote: Lozza - Yes, and thanks for the prior insights into the group. I just received a Celebrate Recovery Bible in the mail from my cousin - they even have their own bible and they call it "Celebrate Recovery Life Recovery Bible". I am furious!!!! These people make me feel like I am less than they are - that I need "fixing" - that they have all the answers to everything. I realize now that "Celebrate Recovery'" with it's 1 hr. praise and worship service is pente/charismatic. I don't think that Celebrate Recovery is overt about being pente/chaismatic - they are in a way worse - they are covert or "sneaky" about it. If it hadn't been for this website enlightening me on the fact that "praise and worship" services are a sign of pente/charismatics, as well as tongues, prophecy, etc. , I may have walked right back into the mess I just came out of. This website has been a LIFESAVER!!!! |
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lozza |
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Posts: 3716 (06/21/09 02:19:05) Musical Mantric |
I realize now that "Celebrate Recovery'" with it's 1 hr. praise and worship service is pente/charismatic. I don't think that Celebrate Recovery is overt about being pente/chaismatic - they are in a way worse - they are covert or "sneaky" about it. That's something I've observed about charismatics....they're sneaky and manipulative. Also, it's common for charismatics to insist they're not charismatic but "empowered evangelicals". Whatever. It all boils down to the same thing in the end....same salad, different dressing. btw- just sent you a message. |
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not1perfect |
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Posts: 77 (06/22/09 04:13:28) |
lozza wrote:
Last Edited By: not1perfect
06/22/09 04:22:52.
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tandc90 |
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Posts: 1200 (06/22/09 07:45:57) exPc Fan |
Spirit filled is a term they use to describe themselves. Full gospel is another one, although that one's pretty old. If you see a church that calls itself
"Whatever Full Gospel Church" they're charismatic. Full gospel is another way of saying they believe in the "full" gospel (tongues,
prophecy,healing, etc) instead of just part of it.
Charismania has gotten a bad rep over the years due to all the insanity, so they've learned to be sneaky about it and try hide their true identity. If you really want to see a charismatic turn red, spit nails, and froth at the mouth accuse them of being pentecostal, lol. Aside from a few details they're beliefs are identical, but charismatics go crazy trying to prove differently. |
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walkawayarchie |
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Posts: 245 (06/22/09 07:50:03) |
tandc90- could it be because they're part of a move to take over non- Pentecostal churches, and don't want their church to realize it's being
steeplejacked?
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