Still having issues 10 years later

RSS
Email

0 Kudo

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Author

Comment

guen

Still having issues 10 years later

Lead

[-]

Posts: 3

(12/22/08 18:08:53)

Tags : None

I grew up in the pentecostal denomination (a denom. that was related to the AOG) and also attended a few Vineyard churches as a teen and left it all in my early 20s. I haven't been to a church since except for family weddings and funerals...the events in P/C churches actually cause panic attacks. Ten years later, I'm still having "issues" sorting out what I've been taught. I realize I was taught so many errors, I don't know what to believe anymore. I deal with a lot of anxiety when thinking about the topic at all. I can't believe it has affected me this much. I still consider myself a Christian, but I feel like I want nothing to do with church right now.
Anyway I still feel so....upset when I realize how much wool was pulled over my eyes back then. I feel a bit resentful when I remember how pressured I was as a young person to just believe everything and not question (especially the strange stuff). I feel annoyed that the strict legalistic upbringing completely stole the fun of being young. I've found it extremely difficult to unravel my brain from some of the doctrine. Maybe the fact that I was an impressionable teen when the worst of it went on is to blame. I can't believe I didn't see so many of the errors back then though. Being far away from it makes things much more clear.
How did everyone else deal with these feelings? I'm sure posting here has helped many, but in the "offline" world, has anything in particular been very helpful? Counselling? Journalling? Anything?

RogerDodger

[-]

Posts: 124

(12/22/08 18:47:42)

I think your letter prob touched a nerve on a lot of people.Can you pay for counseling? I know of no one that isn't affected by this type of upbringing.I was raised in the Church Of God....THE Church of God.It was out of Anderson ,Indiana.We made sure that we weren't confused with the COG out of Tennessee,they were those weirdo holy-rollers.I was taught that we had to be saved and then if we sinned even one time,we had to start allllllllllll over...or go to hell.When I left it behind,I had to read read read about others that left and why they left.That's how I found this group.Just be patient,you didn't get this way overnight.It took years to have guilt,shame and misinformation put into your noggin.Most of it was put there by people that are ignorant and were brain-washed just like you.Start by using common sense,logic,and reasoning.Many of these senses were "disabled" by those that needed to control you.I hope this info helps,now get busy unlearning then relearning!

CharlesinCharge

[-]

Posts: 40

(12/22/08 18:50:04)

Basically you have to erase the whole slate and start over. Easier said than done I know. I started with either there is a God or there isn't and went from there. I ended up converting to Orthodox Christianity and am very happy and sane, lol. I suggest reading a book called" Orthodoxy and the Religion of the future" by Fr. Seraphim Rose. It was definitely enlightening on the subject of Pentecostalism and what is really the cause of tongues and PC phenonom today. I know I needed a foundation of Rock after years of the PC house built on quicksand. I'm not trying to convert anyone as I respect each individuals free will. I figure if God gave us free will then everyone has to choose for themself. PCers forget the verse where it says no one can come to the father unless the spirit draws him! Let me know if I can be of any help.

RobWood

[-]

Posts: 49

(12/22/08 18:51:18)

Three things helped me:

1. Therapy with a good psychologist
2. Studying the objective history of religion, and especially Judaism and Christianity. (It will open your eyes like nothing else can.)
3. Developing a hobby and joining a club devoted to it.

Therapy: To sort out the difference between who I thought I was, and who I was programmed to be; and to make personal choices about who I wanted to become, and to develop tools for shaping my life my own way.

Studying the history of religion: To learn how much of what I had been been taught was actually scriptural (not much was), and how much was fabricated by men struggling for power over others.

Hobby: To give myself something to do with the energy that used to be devoted to religious activities, and to have a social group to bond with.

Rob

lozza

[-]

Posts: 3299

(12/23/08 01:17:16)

Musical Mantric

3. Developing a hobby and joining a club devoted to it.

I agree with this. Secular stuff helps. It took me years to partially get over my experience in a charismatic fellowship, but I'm now at the stage where my present life is far more important than my past.

scribe2007

[-]

Posts: 1142

(12/23/08 03:49:01)

exPc Fan

guen wrote:
I still consider myself a Christian, but I feel like I want nothing to do with church right now.

Me too!

There's something I've been doing that's helping me... I learnt it here actually but it's helping in real life: logical thinking. I have found it a good antidote to Pente thinking, cos everything in p/c was based on feelings, including decisions (big and small). So choosing to look at a situation rationally was strange for me, even just one year ago.

Now when I react emotionally to something,or catch myself making decisions based on emotional p/c-type thinking, I try to ask myself, "What's the logical situation?" Sometimes the situation warrants an emotional response - I'm not saying that's a bad thing always. But often it's a case of telling myself: "OK, I feel guilty about something (e.g. not giving to the people sitting outside the supermarket taking donations). But look at this rationally: I gave everything I had for many years; I don't have to give to / help everybody anymore; I am in debt and my first responsibility is to pay people back; I don't have to be perfect anymore; I am rebuilding my life and to do that I need to be free from useless guilt; I don't want to keep thinking about a false Pente God who beats people with a stick for every tiny omission; I am human; I don't have to feel guilty about this."

Sorry if this is very basic for you! After all, you've been out of p/c much longer than me... But for someone who felt guilty about every tiny thing (done or not done) for 15 years, I am finding it so freeing to try and think rationally.

Of course, I still have plenty of hang-ups from p/c. though...

Cruelty I believe is just one of the dark fruits of pentecostalism. - PepperMintPaty

RobWood

[-]

Posts: 52

(12/23/08 09:13:00)

scribe2007 wrote:
Sorry if this is very basic for you! After all, you've been out of p/c much longer than me... But for someone who felt guilty about every tiny thing (done or not done) for 15 years, I am finding it so freeing to try and think rationally.

Of course, I still have plenty of hang-ups from p/c. though...

It is very basic - and something that speaks to the heart of the matter. We have both the ability to reason, and the capacity for feeling. Together, they make us human. Develop one at the expense of the other, and we get out of balance. My ability to think through a problem was put on hold during my entire Pente experience - not for mundane things like balancing a checkbook - but for problems and challenges of life. I kept listening to see what God wanted me to do in every situation, before I could act.

I was deathly afraid of God, because I knew He could just as easily send a school bus over a cliff for some "hidden sin" of the bus driver's, as provide healing for my child's injuries. It never seemed logical - only terrifyingly unpredictable. But like you, I began to exercise my rusty logic, and finally was able to think my way to freedom:

Question: Why does God send a school bus full of children over a cliff?
Answer: He doesn't. The school bus goes over the cliff because the brakes haven't been properly maintained.

On giving: Whether it's to the bell ringers outside the supermarket or to some other charity, it should come from a spirit of free choice - not from guilt. Even if you weren't in debt, you couldn't give to everyone in need with whom you come in contact. It's not possible.

Rob

Conservatarian

[-]

Posts: 839

(12/23/08 09:24:52)

exPc Fan

RogerDodger wrote:
I think your letter prob touched a nerve on a lot of people.Can you pay for counseling? I know of no one that isn't affected by this type of upbringing.I was raised in the Church Of God....THE Church of God.It was out of Anderson ,Indiana.We made sure that we weren't confused with the COG out of Tennessee,they were those weirdo holy-rollers.I was taught that we had to be saved and then if we sinned even one time,we had to start allllllllllll over...or go to hell.When I left it behind,I had to read read read about others that left and why they left.That's how I found this group.Just be patient,you didn't get this way overnight.It took years to have guilt,shame and misinformation put into your noggin.Most of it was put there by people that are ignorant and were brain-washed just like you.Start by using common sense,logic,and reasoning.Many of these senses were "disabled" by those that needed to control you.I hope this info helps,now get busy unlearning then relearning!

I was brought up by COG,Anderson parents. My sister is a minister in there denomination. So I know what you're talking about. Technicly though, COG, Anderson is Holiness http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holiness_movement, not Pentecostal. I also think that each COG thinks that they're the only authentic COG. To paraphrase the Eminem song.

"We're the Church of God. Yes, we're the real Church of God. Every other Church of God is just a big fraud. So will the real Church of God please stand up?"

RogerDodger

[-]

Posts: 125

(12/23/08 14:25:24)

Conservatarian,
Both of my older sisters went to their bible college in Houston.One attends the COG on a regular basis,the other is a missionary in Guatamala.Now,my brother is another story.He started his own church and went charismatic. Me...I'm the heathen of the family.I left it all behind years ago.To phrase it nicely,to be around my family is quite a strain on my way of living.Trying to live around them as a Christian was somewhat of a "forced march".

geoffreylaw313

[-]

Posts: 355

(12/23/08 18:18:15)

exPc Fan

Let me start off by saying thank you, Conservatarian! It's about darn time someone made an Eminem reference.

Now to the subject at hand, I would have to agree with Rob. For me, I started studying origins of Judaic/Christian origins to eliminate the fear that still lingered from growing up in the UPCI. Now I read it just because it is really interesting to me but it did play a big role in alleviating a lot of the fear that was instilled in me as a child and the nagging doubt in the back of my head wondering if I'm wrong. Now I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I no longer have any fear.

Quen, I also used to have really bad anxiety problems which stemmed from the fear. I remember in Nov. of 2001 when I visited a UPCI family for supper and had a full on anxiety attack although I didn't know at the time that was what it was. It brought back a lot of the fears that were instilled in me as a child and I thought I might be possesed by demons (SERIOUSLY). hehe.

It took me about 10 years to unravel all the brainwashing that I went through and in all honesty, I'm still a work in progress although I don't suffer from depression/anxiety issues anymore.

Knowledge eliminates superstition, so learn as much as you can and never give up on yourself.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?: George Carlin

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.: George Carlin

stubborn envelope

[-]

Posts: 1318

(12/28/08 12:06:21)

exPc Fan

has anything in particular been very helpful? Counselling? Journalling? Anything?

I would recommend counselling because I did find it useful, but I would NOT recommend a Christian counsellor. I had a Christian therapist, and though she was reasonable and helped me in many ways, she just could not wrap her brain around what I was telling her I was going through in a Pentecostal church. I was living with Pente relatives at the time. By the time I ended my therapy with her she had changed her views and had actually met another Christian therapist who was familiar with the United Pentecostal church and confirmed the things I said.

I was suffering from many perceptual abnormalities at the time, and I remember her later asking me if my views of the church and certain members in it had changed since I had recovered and was thinking more clearly. But they had not changed. There was nothing abnormal about my perceptions there -- Pentecostalism is a very abnormal belief system.

I have kept a journal for years and have found it useful and relieving, though I would recommend keeping it a secret if you are living with anyone else. I had my privacy invaded, and it ended with me getting kicked out!

I would recommend some sort of secular activity or social event and distancing yourself from religion at least for the time being. Some ex-Pentecostals return to some form of religion to varying degrees. I have had positive experiences in traditional churches so far and find comfort in some of the meditation techniques, but it seems that despite my religious inclinations I just can't keep up with it consistently -- too much to go into here, but no doubt Pentecostalism plays a big role here.

You may one day feel comfortable in a church again, but religion isn't for everyone.

Most importantly use reasoning and logic. I recommend learning about the scientific method and how it works; get a feel for how we come to conclusions through scientific experimentation. Understand what a scientific theory is, a hypothesis. Always think for yourself, and don't let anyone tell you what to believe. Treasure your brain, your ability to reason and think. My brain is the only thing that got me out of Pentecostalism.

Peace be with you,
James

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
-- Albert Einstein

RobWood

[-]

Posts: 70

(12/28/08 12:30:10)

Well said, James!

I also agree about the Christian counselor route. A good psychologist who has no particular theological axe to grind can help you sort out what you need to work through, but it is you who has to do the work. And while logic and reasoning are powerful tools to get your mind back, they don't touch you heart, and that's where the pain is.

Rob

hermeneutic of suspicion

[-]

Posts: 38

(12/30/08 03:20:02)

I had "demons" attack me when I used to hang out with pentes. I was sort of a half pente I guess.

This was 14-15 years ago

I recently found out those "demons" were anxiety attacks. Really big ones. I kind of got in the habit around that time for various reasons (including all that talk about the devil etc etc) and have never really been free from anxiety since. I've thought I'm insane because I can't control the attacks.

Now that I know they are anxiety attacks and have looked at the facts on what an anxiety (panic) attack it and how it develops I am getting a grip on it. Reading all you guys I just think you are awesome how you have worked through all this stuff and are functional now. I am a nervous wreck really not functional at all. It's not all because of the pentes I was friends with it's more like me hanging out with them was a manifestation of my self-hate I guess but they REALLY didn't help.

I agree to be cautious about "christian" counsellors, especially if they make a big deal about being christian, but I don't think they are always a bad thing. Some christians are really aware of religious fundamentalism within christianity and can help you fight it. Of course they would tend not to advertise their "christianity" like it's a big feature of their counselling. It's true u want one without a theological agenda though. Noone can tell u what to believe.

lozza

[-]

Posts: 3315

(12/31/08 01:45:28)

Musical Mantric

hermeneutic,

I too have had problems with anxiety attacks, worsened by charismania and its emphasis on demons.

bootsiebabe

[-]

Posts: 10835

(12/31/08 06:35:39)

Bending Light

Choose wisely.

"We are all enigma in the circle of life, being ever entwined with creative evolutional progress. All precious to behold for each our differences." -- M. Cheri B.

blackbearfamily

[-]

Posts: 5

(01/01/09 16:59:36)

I am 48 years old and still having issues resulting from my Charismatic upbringing.

Benjamin

RogerDodger

[-]

Posts: 132

(01/03/09 14:16:10)

Benjamin,
I hate to say this,but you will probably never outgrow these issues.If you were raised as I was,you were only shown one side of the coin.Go looking for the other side.It's out there. About four years ago,I FINALLY got off my lazy butt and started reading .It's either that,or sit around brooding about the bum deal you got when you were growing up.Need I explain things farther?

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Yuku free message boards

Still having issues 10 years later

Still having issues 10 years later

Quick Reply