I was wondering if any of you that come on here after being on here and talk about certain subjects if it triggers anything in you. What I mean is sometimes
after being on here I get this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach like I have done something very wrong. It don't happen all the time just every now
then. I was wondering if any of you have gone thru the same things or if you go thru that from time to time.
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I was wondering if
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 DiamondGirllovesHarleys |
I was wondering if |
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Posts: 596 (08/12/08 20:37:19) exPc Fan |
Power corrupts absolute power corrupts absolutely |
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Looking4truth |
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Posts: 1684 (08/12/08 21:05:58) exPc Fan |
That happened to me a lot when I first came on this board. Matter of fact, I came here right as the whole Matthew incident was taking place and that honestly
scared the sh*t outta me and I left the board for a while.
These days, every now and again (like not too long ago) all of the stories overwhelm me because I'm still healing and certain issues that I'm not always aware of are triggered by a certain story or something. Then, I have to work through it...I guess it's part of healing. Every so often, I get paranoid that some old pente acquaintance of mine will come to this board and put two and two together and realize who I am and what I say here will come back and bite me in the arse.
Pascal wus clever kitteh hu wus laik: "I am not knoin if teh Ceiling Cat is reel." Oh noes! But
Pascal was thinkin an thinkin, an he wus laik "If I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be gettin cheezburger. But if I has no beleefin
in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be getting pwned. If there no Ceiling Cat, no matter anywai. I think I is beleefin in teh Ceiling
Cat."
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drxminus1 |
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Posts: 15 (08/13/08 00:07:45) |
the feelings described above are fears based on what we were taught. Even though we are no longer involved we still carry many voices from the past. Those
voices only have the power that we give them. We gave up our power and made ourselves dependent.
Here are some ideas I want to share We need to take back our right to freedom of thought. We can trust our perceptions because that is who we truly are. We were created with a wonderful mind to think and reason with. Giving oneself and others, sovereignty is good start to freedom and peace of mind "Sovereignty is the exclusive right to have control over an area of governance, people, or oneself." trust that God is smart enough to know the score with you. In the Bible it says that God looks at the heart Remember the word grace - unmerited favor try to live closer to your highest ideals reach out to someone with kindness smell the flowers be a healing influnce when possible be nice to Drxminus1 :-)) |
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lozza |
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Posts: 2951 (08/13/08 00:16:16) Musical Mantric |
When I first started posting about two and a half years ago, I used to get upset afterwards, but I rarely get particularly strong reactions these days.
Occasionally, I feel stirrings of anger if I'm addressing an issue such as shunning, or slight anxiety if the topic concerns the end times or some mission
organisations.
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tandc90 |
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Posts: 468 (08/13/08 04:25:18) exPc Fan |
I also used to get stronger reactions than I do now. Someone would say something that would remind me of something I'd completely forgotten about. I was
honestly more shocked that I'd forgotten than concerned about my anger concerning whatever was bothering me. Anyway, I'd walk around for a few days
thinking about it and usually being mad (my default reaction
 ) then eventually move on. I made an effort to not try to force myself through but to just ride
out the feelings and memories and anger. You know I spent so much time suppressing my true feelings in the past that it's almost enjoyable to allow myself
to feel them even if they're uncomfortable.
Anyway, it's been awhile since I experienced any strong upsetting reactions. I figure the whole pente thing is like a festering boil deep inside. We lance it, and it may take years for all the crap to ooze out but eventually it will and will heal over. |
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creatrix |
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Posts: 849 (08/13/08 04:32:06) exPc Fan |
I think that is anxiety. You have been conditioned to think that certain things are very bad and so you react with fear and guilt. (My mom used to be really
strict about me "checking in" once an hour and if I didn't, I got in BIG trouble, so it was YEARS before I could sit in a movie theatre for a
whole two hours without feeling guilty and panicked, even though I hadn't done anything wrong. It was just my internal clock saying I hadn't done what
I was supposed to. I think it's similar.)
_______________________________________________________
We are all agnostic... it's just that some people don't admit it. _______________________________________________________ |
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PepperMintPaty |
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Posts: 975 (08/13/08 06:38:46) Ms.Lady |
DiamondGirlLoves: (I was wondering if any of you that come on here after being on here and talk about certain subjects if it triggers anything in you.
What I mean is sometimes after being on here I get this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach like I have done something very wrong.)
I remember a scene from "Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley". The behavior of Deltas is conditioned with the use of electric shocks, sirens each time the babies touch roses or books. After the babies have finished this conditioning they no longer want to have anything to do with books. By using such conditioning the babies when adult have no interest in reading, so no new knowledge is available to them thereby stunting their growth/making them stay within the group dynamic or status quo. As pentecostals we went through a type of conditioning ourselves that if we did certain things; (women cutting hair, men having facial hair, women wearing pants, going to movies, the list is endless), the consequences would be a fiery hell. When you sit though enough services year after year after year, hearing this it becomes so ingrained that you allow yourself to be ruled by fear. Just doing anything that was preached against no matter how silly (wearing opened toed red heals) can bring those feelings of fear, condemnation rushing right back. |
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so new |
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Posts: 90 (08/13/08 10:48:55) |
i feel the same way and at first my hands shook i thought sure everyone knew what i was doing
and was really paranoid about it. i never talked with anyone before who would in any way validate my perceptions about the church most people wanted as far away from the subject as possible most of the times when i do post something i sleep really well that night and i can definitely feel my thoughts are starting to move rather than be stuck on a set event from the past. it is like a glacier is moving in my mind and starting to accept what the church is rather than what people say it is. |
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SilentKnight12 |
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Posts: 569 (08/13/08 11:17:43) exPc Fan |
I don't really feel bad or anxious after discussing things here generally. Everyone here has their story, and for the most part we can share pretty much
everything. Even if we disagree, we still tend to respect each other's opinions and feelings. That's why I come back, and why I think the rest of you
do as well.
However, when we're invaded by prowling pentes, then that's a different matter entirely. That's when I get angry and begin nuking the hell out of them. Oddly enough, I rather enjoy doing it.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Last Edited By: SilentKnight12
08/13/08 11:22:17.
Edited 1 times.
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geoffreylaw313 |
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Posts: 203 (08/13/08 11:39:05) exPc Fan |
Sometimes I feel bad after typing on here.
But that's because I can come across awfully rude and militant at times. I'm getting better though. 
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marla191792 |
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Posts: 1842 (08/13/08 12:04:55) Grace Abounds |
geoffreylaw~
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SilentKnight12 |
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Posts: 570 (08/13/08 12:29:20) exPc Fan |
geoffreylaw
don't worry about it, dude. we all deal with pain in our own ways. if I said I never got militant now and then, I'd be lying and you'd all know it. sometimes you just have to vent, and that part of healing is rarely pretty. hell, no part of healing is ever pretty. no worries because that's why we're all here, each and every one of us. we're all in one phase of healing or another. pentecostalism etc isn't known for it's humane treatment of the wounded, or those who dare question it's tenets. besides no family ever gets along 100% of the time :-)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Last Edited By: SilentKnight12
08/13/08 12:32:23.
Edited 2 times.
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aexapo |
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Posts: 4327 (08/13/08 12:59:30) Poobah,Emeritus |
The last time this happened to me ... rather hilarious. A few years ago, I started consuming alcohol (recreationally), and my first trip to the liquor store
was rather amusing. First of all, I didn't really know what I wanted other than a bottle of rum to make pina coladas with ... browsed around the store
red-faced ... found a well-known brand, and headed for the counter to check out ... consumed with guilt.
Now, why a then-35 year old homosexual atheist standing at a liquor store counter with a simple bottle of rum would be consumed with Pentecostal conviction is beyond me. But, there I stood, looking nervously around ... hoping no one recognized me. Same thing had happened YEARS before on my first trip to the video rental store, my first trip to the movies (with other Pente kids at the time, mind you), my very first drink ... the list goes on. |
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DiamondGirllovesHarleys |
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Posts: 597 (08/13/08 13:33:21) exPc Fan |
Thanks for your replies. I think I am still dealin with that God is gonna get you thing. There are certain subjects that was always pushed on me to talk about
and when those subjects come up that God is gonna get you thing comes up too. At least we know we are not alone.
Power corrupts absolute power corrupts absolutely |
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tandc90 |
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Posts: 470 (08/13/08 14:39:38) exPc Fan |
DiamondGirllovesHarleys wrote:
I've been out for about 4 years and STILL deal with that. Just today I was thinking something "bad" and immediately went into paranoid mode
wondering how God was going to punish me. My general response has been to forge ahead and think even more "bad" thoughts just to retrain myself that
He isn't going to get me. I'm making that technique sound a lot easier than it really is too.
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DiamondGirllovesHarleys |
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Posts: 600 (08/13/08 18:45:41) exPc Fan |
All my life I have heard to not do certain things. I can remember going thru my day and I promise I repented more times than I could count. I repented for
every little thing even if it wasn't a sin if I thought it was I was repenting. There were things I would repent over for days. That is a hard way to live.
I really was trying I wanted so bad to be good.
Power corrupts absolute power corrupts absolutely |
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scribe2007 |
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Posts: 884 (08/13/08 23:16:39) exPc Fan |
DiamondGirl, I really appreciate your posts - you do good here!
Cruelty I believe is just one of the dark fruits of pentecostalism. - PepperMintPaty
Last Edited By: scribe2007
08/13/08 23:30:41.
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SilentKnight12 |
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Posts: 571 (08/14/08 00:12:29) exPc Fan |
"I think I am still dealin with that God is gonna get you thing."
Me too sometimes, but remember God's merciful even if pentes aren't. :-)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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tandc90 |
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Posts: 472 (08/14/08 04:00:06) exPc Fan |
I'm not sure if I'll ever get over the God's-gonna-getcha thing. It's in non pente churches too to a certain extent. I'm basically looking
at what amounts to 36 years of brainwashing to overcome. But I'll keep trying.
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boustro |
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Posts: 3775 (08/14/08 06:00:37) There are some who call me .... Timmay! |
scribe2007 wrote: Yep. She's a gem!
Tim
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tandc90 |
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Posts: 473 (08/14/08 06:20:28) exPc Fan |
Ooooo!
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Great thread!
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