Don't get me wrong there are many things that I do not miss about being in the faith. The level of control and guilt and wondering why God didn't heal you/provide etc. The sexual repression and being kept in a state of extreme and unnatural immaturity.
And also (and I've been happy for all my fellow ex Christian/ex Pentecostal friends who have understood this) sometimes I feel a bit sad as well, this isn't the life I expected to be living. I thought I would have gotten married and have had children now. I didn't really expect to work outside the home as a woman.There was a part of me that wished I could make the "a loving God" thing work. I mean it was a nice illusion in a sense. The illusion of togetherness was also nice. I wish I didn't have to leave my family and be different from people as well. It was a pretty picture in a sense (minus all the bad parts). I've been able to chat with some ex Christians about this and knowing they understand and share the same feeling is nice. I think the sadness for missing some of the even tiny parts is valid. Mind you of course no one of us is going to re enter Christianity on account of this. I'm trying to reconcile myself to this lately. In the last ten years since leaving the faith, I went to university and got a dual degree. Now I'm trying to find a job. This is funny/crazy though because this isn't the life I thought I would be living. Sometimes I look at my life and think "This is MY life ? Wow. I never expected to end up here." I honestly never expected to leave the faith. I really believed that I would still be Pentecostal etc.
Sometimes I feel like I have something like survivor's guilt (you know the survivors of a plane crash who feel guilty that they survived). There is a part of me that wonders sometimes, "Out of all the people that I grew up with, how was I the one to leave the faith ?" Sometimes I feel lonely, like it's something weird about me that I left and almost everyone else stayed. It can feel a bit mentally stressful. Does anyone else feel the same ?